good scientist jokes & quotations
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It's generaly false that within 2 points goes a straight line.
Excepted, of course, if the 2 points are exactly facing each others.
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In numerical analysis, you can have 2+2 = 5,
for 2 big enough and 5 small enough.
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A mathematician nightmare would be
an epsilon going toward infinity when n goes toward zero.
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
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lim ( sqrt(8) ) = 3
8->9
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A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between
a coffee cup and a doughnut.
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To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion.
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97.3% of all statistics are made up.
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It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered
recently is four times bigger then the previous record.
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of
a profound truth may well be another profound truth. (Niels Bohr)
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Before I die, I hope that someone will explain quantum mechanics to me.
After I die, I hope that God will explain turbulence to me. (W. Heisenberg)
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The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
The goal of nature is to build better mice.
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Half of the people in the world are below average.
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In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice, however, there is.
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The light at the end of the tunnel is usually a "No Exit" sign.
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Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
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The speed of time is one second per second.
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Life is complex. It has real and imaginary components.
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If parallel lines meet at infinity - infinity must be a very noisy
place with all those lines crashing together !
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The average human has one testical and one breast and less that two legs...
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Science is Truth; don't be misled by facts.
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Points have no parts or joints. How then can they combine To form a line?
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God made the natural integers numbers. The others, were man-made.
(Weierstrass)
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Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated.
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Black Holes sucks...
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Theoretical Physics is a science locally isomorphic to Mathematics.
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A probability is a desperate attempt of chaos to become stable.
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Black Holes are where God is dividing by zero.
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At first, God said :
Rot E = -dB/dt
Div D = rho
Div B = 0
Rot H = j + dD/dt
and there was the light. (J.C. Maxwell)
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Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches.
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Absolute zero is *cool*.
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What is a quantum particle?
The dreams that stuff is made of...
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"Here Kitty,Kitty" (Schrodinger) [my favourite !]
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Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
(Albert Einstein)
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A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
couple of hours in the library.
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Chemists are the *cleanest* people you'll ever meet...
they wash their hands even *before* they go to the restroom!
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Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same
thing as division.
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Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
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Science has proof without any certainty.
Creationists have certainty without any proof.
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A theory is something nobody believes, except the person who made it.
An experiment is something everybody believes, except the person who made it.
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The must incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is
comprehensible. (Albert Einstein)
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.
(Albert Einstein)
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You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your
grandmother. (Albert Einstein)
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Experimental confirmation of a prediction is merely a measurement.
An experiment disproving a prediction is a discovery. (Enrico Fermi)
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Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
(Pablo Picasso)
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Real discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes,
but in having new eyes. (Proust)
good places:
http://rabi.phys.columbia.edu/~matmat/html/quotes.html
http://www-astronomy.mps.ohio-state.edu/~thakar/humor/humor.html (+++)
http://www.princeton.edu/~pemayer/ScienceJokes.html
http://ix.urz.uni-heidelberg.de/~cbauman1/math.html
http://thales.math.uni-sb.de/~mabu/mathcass.html